The Host Chapter 24: Tolerated

It was true that I did not smell good.Id lost count of how m some(prenominal) solar daylights Id spent here-was it more than a week today? more than two?-and in all in all of them sweating into the same clothes Id worn on my disastrous desert trek. So much salt had dried into my cotton plant shirt that it was creased into rigid accordion wrinkles. It used to be pale yellow now it was a splotchy, diseased-looking print in the same dark purple illusion as the cave floor. My short hair was crunchy and gritty I could feel it standing erupt in wild tangles a expound my head, with a stiff upper brass on top, like a cockatoos. I hadnt seen my face recently, moreover I imagined it in two shades of purple cave-dirt purple and healing-bruise purple.So I could bring in Jebs point-yes, I needed a bath. And a change of clothes as well, to make the bath worth the effort. Jeb tallyered me some of Jamies clothes to wear while tap dried, unless I didnt want to ruin Jamies few things by stretching them. Thankfully, he didnt try to offer me anything of Jareds. I ended up with an old save clean flannel shirt of Jebs that had the sleeves ripped off, and a pair of faded, holey cutoff sweatpants that had foregone unclaimed for months. These were draped over my arm-and a bumpy mound of vile-smelling, broadly molded chunks that Jeb claimed was homemake cactus soap was in my hand-as I followed Jeb to the room with the two rivers.Again we were not alone, and once more I was miserably disappointed that this was the case. Three manpower and one woman-the salt-and-pepper braid-were filling buckets with water from the pureer stream. A loud splashing and laughing echoed from the bathing room.Well just wait our turn, Jeb told me.He leaned against the wall. I stood stiffly beside him, uncomfortably conscious of the four pairs of eyes on me, though I kept my own on the dark hot spring rushing by underneath the porous floor.After a short wait, three women exited the bathing roo m, their wet hair dripping down the backs of their shirts-the athletic caramel-skinned woman, a young flaxen I didnt remember seeing in the first place, and Melanies cousin Sharon. Their laughter stopped abruptly as soon as they caught sight of us.Afternoon, ladies, Jeb express, touching his forehead as if it were the brim of a hat.Jeb, the caramel woman acknowledged dryly.Sharon and the other girl ignored us.Okay, Wanda, he give tongue to when theyd passed. Its all yours.I gave him a glum look, then made my bearing carefully into the black room.I tried to remember how the floor went-I was sure I had a few feet before the edge of the water. I took off my post first, so that I could feel for the water with my toes.It was just so dark. I remembered the inky appearance of the pool-ripe with suggestions of what competency lurk beneath its opaque surface-and shuddered. solely the eternal I waited, the longer I would grow to be here, so I put the clean clothes bordering to my s hoes, kept the smelly soap, and shuffled forward carefully until I found the lip of the pool.The water was cool compared to the steamy air of the outer cavern. It felt nice. That didnt keep me from being terrified, but I could still hold dear the sensation. It had been a long time since anything had been cool. Still fully dressed in my dirty clothes, I waded in waist deep. I could feel the streams current whirl around around my ankles, hugging the rock. I was glad the water was not stagnant-it would be upsetting to sully it, filthy as I was, if that were the case.I crouched down into the ink until I was immersed to my shoulders. I ran the coarse soap over my clothes, thinking this would be the easiest way to make sure they were clean. Where the soap touched my skin, it burned mildly.I took off the soapy clothes and scrubbed them under the water. Then I rinsed them again and again until there was no way any of my sweat or weeping could have survived, wrung them out, and laid them on the floor beside where I prospect my shoes were.The soap burned more strongly against my bare skin, but the sting was endurable because it meant I could be clean again. When I was done lathering, my skin prickled alwaysywhere and my scalp felt scalded. It seemed as if the places where the bruises had formed were more sensitive than the rest of me-they must(prenominal) still have been there. I was happy to put the acidic soap on the rock floor and rinse my body again and again, the way I had my clothes.It was with a strange mingling of re double-dealingf and regret that I sloshed my way out of the pool. The water was very pleasant, as was the feeling of clean, if prickling, skin. But Id had rather enough of the blindness and the things I could imagine into the darkness. I felt around until I found the dry clothes, then I pulled them quickly on and shoved my water-wrinkled feet into my shoes. I carried my wet clothes in one hand and the soap gingerly between two fingers of the other.Jeb laughed when I emerged his eyes were on the soap in my cautious grasp.Smarts a bit, dont it? Were seek to fix that. He held out his hand, protected by the tail of his shirt, and I placed the soap in it.I didnt answer his capitulum because we werent alone there was a line waiting silently fundament him-five people, all of them from the field turning.Ian was first in line.You look better, he told me, but I couldnt make out from his tone if he was move or annoyed that I did.He raised one arm, extending his long, pale fingers toward my neck. I flinched away, and he dropped his hand quickly. sombre nigh that, he muttered.Did he mean for scaring me now or for marking up my neck in the first place? I couldnt imagine that he was apologizing for severe to eat me. Surely he still wanted me dead. But I wasnt going to ask. I started walking, and Jeb fell into step behind me.So, today wasnt that bad, Jeb said as we walked through the dark corridor.Not that bad, I murmured. Aft er all, I hadnt been murdered. That was always a plus.Tomorrow will be even better, he promised. I always enjoy planting-seeing the miracle of the gnomish dead-looking seeds having so much life in them. Makes me feel like a withered old guy might have some potential left in him. Even if its only to be fertilizer. Jeb laughed at his joke.When we got to the big garden cavern, Jeb took my elbow and steered me east rather than west.Dont try to tell me youre not hungry after all that digging, he said. Its not my job to provide room service. Youre just going to have to eat where everyone else eats.I grimaced at the floor but let him lead me to the kitchen.It was a good thing the provender was exactly the same thing as always, because if, miraculously, a filet mignon or a bag of Cheetos had materialized, I wouldnt have been able to taste a thing. It took all my concentration just to make myself swallow-I hated to make even that small sound in the dead silence that followed my appearance . The kitchen wasnt crowded, just ten people lounging against the counters, eating their tough rolls and drinking their watery soup. But I killed all confabulation again. I wondered how long things could last like this.The answer was exactly four days.It also took me that long to understand what Jeb was up to, what the motivation was behind his switch from the decent host to the curmudgeonly taskmaster.The day after turning the soil I spent seeding and irrigating the same field. It was a different group of people than the day before I imagined there was some kind of rotation of the chores here. Maggie was in this group, and the caramel-skinned woman, but I didnt learn her name. Mostly everyone worked in silence. The silence felt unnatural-a protest against my presence.Ian worked with us, when it was distinctly not his turn, and this bothered me.I had to eat in the kitchen again. Jamie was there, and he kept the room from total silence. I knew he was too sensitive not to strike o ff the awkward hush, but he deliberately ignored it, probable to pretend that he and Jeb and I were the only people in the room. He chattered about his day in Sharons crime syndicate, bragging a little about some trouble hed gotten into for let outing out of turn, and complaining about the chores shed given him as punishment. Jeb chastised him halfheartedly. They both did a very good job of acting normal. I had no acting ability. When Jamie asked me about my day, the best I could do was stare intently at my food and mumble one-word answers. This seemed to make him sad, but he didnt push me.At night it was a different story-he wouldnt let me stop talking until I begged to be allowed to sleep. Jamie had reclaimed his room, taking Jareds side of the bed and insisting that I take his. This was very much as Melanie remembered things, and she approved of the arrangement.Jeb did, too. Saves me the trouble of finding someone to play guard. harbour the gun close and dont for hail its th ere, he told Jamie.I protested again, but both the man and the boy refused to listen to me. So Jamie slept with the gun on the other side of his body from me, and I fretted and had nightmares about it.The third day of chores, I worked in the kitchen. Jeb taught me how to knead the coarse bread dough, how to lay it out in round lumps and let it rise, and, later on, how to feed the fire in the bottom of the big stone oven when it was dark enough to let the smoke out.In the middle of the afternoon, Jeb left.Im gonna lose some more flour, he muttered, playing with the strap that held the gun to his waist.The three silent women who kneaded alongside us didnt look up. I was up to my elbows in the unenviable dough, but I started to scrape it off so I could follow him.Jeb grinned, flashed a look at the unobserving women, and shook his head at me. Then he spun around and dashed out of the room before I could free myself.I froze there, no longer breathing. I stared at the three women-the yo ung blonde from the bathing room, the salt-and-pepper braid, and the heavy-lidded mother-waiting for them to realize that they could kill me now. No Jeb, no gun, my hands trapped in the gluey dough-nothing to stop them.But the women kept on kneading and shaping, not seeming to realize this glaring truth. After a long, breathless moment, I started kneading again, too. My stillness would probably alert them to the situation sooner than if I kept working.Jeb was gone for an eternity. maybe he had meant that he needed to grind more flour. That seemed like the only explanation for his endless absence.Took you long enough, the salt-and-pepper-braid woman said when he got back, so I knew it wasnt just my imagination.Jeb dropped a heavy burlap sack to the floor with a deep thud. Thats a lot of flour there. You try lookin it, Trudy.Trudy snorted. I imagine it took a lot of rest stops to get it this far.Jeb grinned at her. It sure did.My heart, which had been thrumming like a birds for the entire episode, settled into a less frantic rhythm.The next day we were cleaning mirrors in the room that housed the cornfield. Jeb told me this was something they had to do routinely, as the combination of humidity and dust caked the mirrors until the light was too dim to feed the plants. It was Ian, working with us again, who scurfy the rickety wooden ladder while Jeb and I tried to keep the base steady. It was a difficult task, given Ians weight and the homemade ladders poor balance. By the end of the day, my arms were limp and aching.I didnt even notice until we were done and heading for the kitchen that the improvised holster Jeb always wore was empty.I gasped out loud, my knees locking like a startled colts. My body tottered to a halt.Whats wrong, Wanda? Jeb asked, too innocent.I would have answered if Ian hadnt been right beside him, watching my strange behavior with fascination in his vivid blue eyes.So I just gave Jeb a wide-eyed look of mingled disbelief and reproach, and then slowly began walking beside him again, shaking my head. Jeb chuckled.Whats that about? Ian muttered to Jeb, as if I were deaf.Beats me, Jeb said he lied as only a human could, smooth and guileless.He was a good liar, and I began to wonder if leaving the gun behind today, and leaving me alone yesterday, and all this effort forcing me into human company was his way of getting me killed without doing the job himself. Was the friendship all in my head? Another lie?This was my fourth day eating in the kitchen.Jeb, Ian, and I walked into the long, hot room-into a crowd of humans chatting in low voices about the days events-and nothing happened. Nothing happened. on that point was no sudden silence. No one paused to stare daggers at me. No one seemed to notice us at all.Jeb steered me to an empty counter and then went to get enough bread for three. Ian lounged next to me, casually turning to the girl on his other side. It was the young blonde-he called her Paige.How are things going? How are you holding up with Andy gone? he asked her.Id be fine if I werent so worried, she told him, biting her lip.Hell be home soon, Ian assured her. Jared always brings everyone home. Hes got a real talent. Weve had no accidents, no problems since he showed up. Andy will be fine.My interest sparked when he mentioned Jared-and Melanie, so somnolent these days, stirred-but Ian didnt say anything else. He just patted Paiges shoulder and turned to take his food from Jeb.Jeb sat next to me and surveyed the room with a deep sense of satisfaction plain on his face. I looked around the room, too, trying to see what he saw. This must have been what it was ordinarily like here, when I wasnt around. Only today I didnt seem to bother them. They must have been tired of letting me interrupt their lives.Things are settling down, Ian commented to Jeb.Knew they would. Were all reasonable folks here.I frowned to myself.Thats true, at the moment, Ian said, laughing. My brothers not around.Exactly , Jeb agreed.It was interesting to me that Ian counted himself among the reasonable folks. Had he noticed that Jeb was unarmed? I was burning with curiosity, but I couldnt stake pointing it out in case he hadnt.The meal continued as it had begun. My novelty had apparently worn off.When the meal was over, Jeb said I deserved a rest. He walked me all the way to my door, playing the gentleman again.Afternoon, Wanda, he said, tipping his imaginary hat.I took a deep breath for bravery. Jeb, wait.Yes?Jeb I hesitated, trying to find a polite way to put it. I well, maybe its stupid of me, but I sort of thought we were friends.I scrutinized his face, looking for any change that might indicate that he was about to lie to me. He only looked kind, but what did I know of a liars tells?Of course we are, Wanda.Then why are you trying to get me killed?His furry brows pulled together in surprise. Now, why would you think that, honey?I listed my evidence. You didnt take the gun today. And yesterday you left me alone.Jeb grinned. I thought you hated that gun.I waited for an answer.Wanda, if I wanted you dead, you wouldnt have lasted that first day.I know, I muttered, starting to feel embarrassed without understanding why. Thats why its all so confusing.Jeb laughed cheerfully. No, I dont want you dead Thats the whole point, kid. Ive been getting them all used to seeing you around, getting them to accept the situation without realizing it. Its like boiling a salientian.My forehead creased at the eccentric comparison.Jeb explained. If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put that frog in a pot of tepid water and slowly warm it, the frog doesnt figure out whats going on until its too late. Boiled frog. Its just a matter of working by slow degrees.I thought about that for a second-remembered how the humans had ignored me at lunch today. Jeb had gotten them used to me. The realization made me feel strangely hopeful. Hope was a silly thing in my situation, but it seeped into me anyway, coloring my perceptions more brightly than before.Jeb?Yeah?Am I the frog or the water?He laughed. Ill leave that one for you to puzzle over. Self-examination is good for the soul. He laughed again, louder this time, as he turned to leave. No pun intended.Wait-can I ask one more?Sure. Id say its your turn anyway, after all Ive asked you.Why are you my friend, Jeb?He pursed his lips for a second, considering his answer.You know Im a curious man, he began, and I nodded. Well, I get to watch your souls a lot, but I never get to talk with em. Ive had so many questions just piling up higher and higher Plus, Ive always thought that if a person wants to, he can get along with just about anybody. I like putt my theories to the test. And see, here you are, one of the nicest gals I ever met. Its real interesting to have a soul as a friend, and it makes me feel super special that Ive managed it.He winked at me, bowed from the waist, and walked away.Ju st because I now understood Jebs plan, it didnt make things easier when he escalated it.He never took the gun anywhere anymore. I didnt know where it was, but I was grateful that Jamie wasnt sleeping with it, at least. It made me a little nervous to have Jamie with me unprotected, but I decided he was actually in less danger without the gun. No one would feel the need to hurt him when he wasnt a threat. Besides, no one came looking for me anymore.Jeb started sending me on little errands. Run back to the kitchen for another roll, he was still hungry. Go fetch a bucket of water, this corner of the field was dry. Pull Jamie out of his class, Jeb needed to speak with him. Were the spinach sprouts up yet? Go and check. Did I remember my way through the south caves? Jeb had a message for medico.Every time I had to carry out one of these simple directives, I was in a sweaty haze of fear. I concentrated on being invisible and walked as quickly as I could without running through the big roo ms and the dark corridors. I tended to hug the walls and keep my eyes down. Occasionally, I would stop conversation the way I used to, but mostly I was ignored. The only time I felt in immediate danger of death was when I interrupted Sharons class to get Jamie. The look Sharon gave me seemed designed to be followed by hostile action. But she let Jamie go with a nod after I choked out my whispered request, and when we were alone, he held my shaking hand and told me Sharon looked the same way at anyone who interrupted her class.The very worst was the time I had to find medical student, because Ian insisted on viewing me the way. I could have refused, I suppose, but Jeb didnt have a problem with the arrangement, and that meant Jeb trusted Ian not to kill me. I was far from comfortable with testing that theory, but it seemed the test was inevitable. If Jeb was wrong to trust Ian, then Ian would find his opportunity soon enough. So I went with Ian through the long black southern tunnel as if it were a trial by fire.I lived through the first half. Doc got his message. He seemed unsurprised to see Ian tagging along beside me. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought they exchanged a significant glance. I half expected them to strap me to one of Docs gurneys at that point. These rooms continued to make me feel nauseated.But Doc just thanked me and sent me on my way as if he were busy. I couldnt really tell what he was doing-he had several books open and stacks and stacks of cover that seemed to contain nothing but sketches.On the way back, curiosity overcame my fear.Ian? I asked, having a bit of difficulty saying the name for the first time.Yes? He sounded surprised that Id addressed him.Why havent you killed me yet?He snorted. Thats direct.You could, you know. Jeb might be annoyed, but I dont think hed shoot you. What was I saying? It sounded like I was trying to convince him. I bit my tongue.I know, he said, his tone complacent.It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.It doesnt seem fair, Ian finally said. Ive been thinking about it a lot, and I cant see how killing you would make anything right. It would be like executing a private for a generals war crimes. Now, I dont buy all of Jebs crazy theories-it would be nice to believe, sure, but just because you want something to be true doesnt make it that way. Whether hes right or wrong, though, you dont appear to mean us any harm. I have to admit, you seem honestly fond of that boy. Its very strange to watch. Anyway, as long as you dont put us in danger, it seems cruel to kill you. Whats one more misfit in this place?I thought about the word misfit for a moment. It might have been the truest description of me Id ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?How strange that Ian, of all the humans, should have such a surprisingly gentle interior. I didnt realize that cruelty would seem a forbid to him.He waited in silence while I con sidered all this.If you dont want to kill me, then why did you come with me today? I asked.He paused again before answering.Im not sure that He hesitated. Jeb thinks things have calmed down, but Im not completely sure about that. Therere still a few people Anyway, Doc and I have been trying to keep an eye on you when we can. Just in case. Sending you down the south tunnel seemed like pushing your luck, to me. But thats what Jeb does best-he pushes luck as far as it will go.You you and Doc are trying to protect me?Strange world, isnt it?It was a few seconds before I could answer.The strangest, I finally agreed.